Sexuality the New Swap Meet
Raising a teen daughter has never been easy. Now, with part-time lesbianism on the rise, parenting has gotten even harder. With lyrics from Katy Perry proclaiming to have kissed a girl and liked it, the taste of her cherry Chapstick… and a host of girl celebs now joining the ranks of girl on girl relationships, it makes teen girls curious as to what they are missing out on. Swapping sexuality is becoming as common as swap meets for ski equipment, and seemingly just as acceptable in some circles.
London heads up one of the more lively spots to be a dyke for a day with no angst. Jasmine Gardner did a great job reporting the new trend of “Baby Dykes.” Read more here. It seems it’s more acceptable for girls to now be “LUGS,” translation: lesbians until graduation, when they want to begin thinking of settling down with a guy in the traditional manner.
It used to be the cool accessory was the latest designer hand bag. Now it’s holding hands with your girlfriend and meaning it, at least for a little while.
What can moms do if their daughter decides to play for the other team ? Same answer I give for most things teen girls do, don’t freak out!
1. The teen years are a time when exploration takes place. Our culture now encourages more sexual exploration whether it be with the opposite or the same gender. Moms need to begin talking to their daughters about sexuality long before girls begin exploring. Your daughter is going to hear the music, watch the movies or music videos that promote girl on girl exploration, so get a jump on the cultural messages with messages you want to promote. Otherwise, your daughter will be learning about sex from her Ipod, Internet or TV. None very accurate teachers.
2. Don’t shut the door on your daughter or her relationships. Alienating your daughter at a time she needs you the most is harmful to her psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. She needs you to be there for her. You don’t have to agree with her choices in life, but you do have to be available for her.
3. Some of the same sex exploration will be just be playing in the new cultural sandbox and some will be serious. Some of our daughters are lesbians, and they may know it already. Be supportive. Homosexuality isn’t a disease. It’s not a choice. It’s the way some people are hardwired. Would you turn your back on your daughter if she was diagnosed with MS? Don’t turn your back on her if she comes out that she’s a lesbian.
4. Keep the conversation alive about the cultural messages your daughter hears. Create a MySpace profile and surf around profiles. Listen to the songs on the profiles pages. Create an Itunes account and listen to the newest releases. Know what your daughter is listening to so you can talk to her about the lyrics. Tricky part is to talk about them in a way that fosters an open exchange, not a lecture from you. Careful there!
5. Be ready to hear your daughter’s confusion over some of the new cultural trends. If she has hooked up with a girl, and is now feeling out of sorts about it, be there to listen. Emotional trauma can happen from any type of sexual encounter. Be someone your daughter can confide in and get help healing her wounds.
As girls hook up with girls, and clothing styles creep towards more edgy masculine lines, it’s harder for our teen girls to deal with their budding sexuality. Traditional has gone out the window. With fewer guidelines, life gets more complicated. The sexual swap meet may be more accepted, but the confusion over love, romance and the meaning of it all, will surely have some girls reeling. Hunch is we’ll see more Facebook relationship status listed as “It’s Complicated,” because it is!